I have received some amazing feedback since posting this blog on various cleft websites. A couple mothers who were inspired by my story have shared with me that they just found out at their 20 week ultrasound that their child will be born with a cleft as well. Both of these moms have had other children with no problems, so I can relate with how much of a shock this is to them. Having a child with special needs can affect the whole family, and it is important to prepare any siblings as well as yourself. Unfortunately we live in a cruel world sometimes. Preparing your children will be the start of a life long lesson for them. In this post I wanted to share how we prepared our older children for Brandon's birth, and how they reacted.
It wasn't until my husband and I had come to terms with the news ourselves that we were comfortable sharing the details with our other children. I think as a parent it was important for me to go through the process of shock, denial, anger, etc... followed by acceptance and peace before I shared the news with my kids. I did not want my initial emotions to transfer to them.
My step-son, Kyle, is currently 9 years old and my daughter, Breanna, is 6 years old. A few weeks prior to delivering Brandon, my husband and I explained to the kids that their little brother was going to be born with a "boo-boo". We wanted to put it in terms that they would understand. The first things they asked were "Where?" and "What happened?". We explained that his mouth and nose area would look "different" than other babies, but it would not hurt. We also explained to them that eventually the doctor's would fix his "boo-boo", but not until he got a little bigger and stronger. Afterwards we told them "sometimes things like this just happen", and then reassured them that it would all be okay.
My step-son Kyle doesn't spend as much time with Brandon as Breanna does since he does not live with us full time, but he has accepted Brandon just as he did his sister when she was born. They have a very cool relationship.
I remember my daughter's first glimpse at Brandon in the hospital right after he was born. Breanna had a smile on her face, but a slight hint of fear in her eyes; fear that she might "hurt" her brother, but never scared of what he looked like. She instantly bonded with him and even to this day looks out for him. The first time I took Brandon to her daycare to visit and meet the daycare workers Breanna was so excited that she was going to get to show her friends her baby brother. Kids are so innocent and amazing, and don't seem to be affected by certain things that adults might struggle with. Breanna was so proud to show off Brandon. Although some kids had some questions, they were all very kind.
Breanna was a little emotional after Brandon's first surgery. She spent the day with a friend at the zoo and was so worried about her little brother that she wanted to come home early. She picked out a special little elephant stuffed animal at the zoo to give him. The second she came home and saw him, she gently stroked her hand back and forth on his head saying, "Don't worry, sissy is here".
The kids have been amazing with Brandon. This whole experience has brought us all closer as a family. The kids just see Brandon as their little brother. The fact that he was born with a birth defect does not change the way they love him or interact with him.
It wasn't until my husband and I had come to terms with the news ourselves that we were comfortable sharing the details with our other children. I think as a parent it was important for me to go through the process of shock, denial, anger, etc... followed by acceptance and peace before I shared the news with my kids. I did not want my initial emotions to transfer to them.
My step-son, Kyle, is currently 9 years old and my daughter, Breanna, is 6 years old. A few weeks prior to delivering Brandon, my husband and I explained to the kids that their little brother was going to be born with a "boo-boo". We wanted to put it in terms that they would understand. The first things they asked were "Where?" and "What happened?". We explained that his mouth and nose area would look "different" than other babies, but it would not hurt. We also explained to them that eventually the doctor's would fix his "boo-boo", but not until he got a little bigger and stronger. Afterwards we told them "sometimes things like this just happen", and then reassured them that it would all be okay.
My step-son Kyle doesn't spend as much time with Brandon as Breanna does since he does not live with us full time, but he has accepted Brandon just as he did his sister when she was born. They have a very cool relationship.
I remember my daughter's first glimpse at Brandon in the hospital right after he was born. Breanna had a smile on her face, but a slight hint of fear in her eyes; fear that she might "hurt" her brother, but never scared of what he looked like. She instantly bonded with him and even to this day looks out for him. The first time I took Brandon to her daycare to visit and meet the daycare workers Breanna was so excited that she was going to get to show her friends her baby brother. Kids are so innocent and amazing, and don't seem to be affected by certain things that adults might struggle with. Breanna was so proud to show off Brandon. Although some kids had some questions, they were all very kind.
Breanna was a little emotional after Brandon's first surgery. She spent the day with a friend at the zoo and was so worried about her little brother that she wanted to come home early. She picked out a special little elephant stuffed animal at the zoo to give him. The second she came home and saw him, she gently stroked her hand back and forth on his head saying, "Don't worry, sissy is here".
The kids have been amazing with Brandon. This whole experience has brought us all closer as a family. The kids just see Brandon as their little brother. The fact that he was born with a birth defect does not change the way they love him or interact with him.
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